I think things are starting to get better, maybe even be coming to a close. Yesterday I took Addison to two doctor's appointments. One was her helmet check up and the other was her check up for her Cleft Palette surgery. Her father was supposed to attend both. He called 10 min before her first appointment at 8:30 and said he was in traffic. The man lives 6 miles away from this doctor. I live 80 miles away. Needless to say, he never made it. He did however attend her 10:30 appointment. The doctor said that Addison has completely recovered and that if we want, she doesn't have to wear the helmet anymore. She still has some room for growth in her helmet so it's going to stay on for a couple more weeks. Just to try and get her head extra perfect. ha ha. Anyways, her doctor was explaining some things that we should work on that will help with her speech post surgery. Ryan decided to text the entire time and not bother to pay attention.
I know I need to try and keep from being so stressed out. But I can't help but be infuriated that I am living this life less desirable because of this man. I make calls to doctors and set appointments all the time. I take notes and ask questions so that I can give Addison the best care possible. I have a degree but can't use it because I dont have time to work a 9-5 job because I am constantly driving to doctors all the time. All of this is worth it of course for Addison. But dammit, it pisses me off that I have to fight so hard against her father and he is costing my family and I so much pain and money and for what?! He clearly doesn't care about her. Ok, that was my rant for the day.
Story continued:
Addison was transferred to All Children's Hospital in St. Petersburg. She did nothing but make outstanding progress while she was there. Three days after she was born I was finally released and able to go to St. Pete to be with her. My parents were the ones who brought me. I was so excited! I was still in extreme pain but managed to take a shower by myself and get dressed. When we left the hospital we had to go pick up my prescriptions for pain killers. Unfortunatly, my doctor is a moron and didnt sign the prescriptions. So we had to drive to his office and then go get them filled. By the time we got them I was in extreme pain. Eventually we made it. Ryan wasn't there because he was supposedly taking his final exams.
My mom walked me into the NICU where Addison was staying. I just stood there and looked at her. I managed to convince her nurse to let me hold her. So I sat in my wheel chair and had blankets proped up under my arm to take some pressure off of holding Addison up. She was awake for a little but soon fell asleep. I must have been tired as well because I fell asleep too! Ha ha. But it was so great. Such an amazing feeling to have this beautiful little baby sleeping in my arms.
That night Ryan and I stayed across the street from the hospital at The Ronald McDonald house. It was later in the evening and Ryan's parents as well as his brother showed up. So we went to see Addison again. Since only two people at a time were allowed I took Ryan's brother Matthewin to see her. Except, when we walked in she wasn't there. I of course freaked out. Eventually a nurse explained to me that she had been moved to transitional care. This was incredible news! It meant she was improving and her tests were positive. At that moment I discovered what tears of joy truly meant.
The next night Ryan and I stayed at a hotel because he didn't care for the other place. Addison continued to improve. The night after that was our company holiday party so we attended that after visiting Addison of course. We went back to our home the next morning. Over the next few days Ryan and I traveled to St. Pete to spend time with our little girl. My parents had also been coming to see her and stayed at our house almost the entire time Addison was in the NICU.
One day, ryan told me he was sick of driving out there. That he was exhausted from everything. I of course wanted to sleep there, but they wouldn't let me. So my dad came from Orlando and went with me to see her. When we arrived we discovered that she passed her new born hearing test. This was pretty much the last test that had to be done before she could be released. She also had to be able to eat from a bottle. We spent all day there.
What I will never understand to this day though is why Ryan didn't go. Of course he was tired. Like I wasn't? What parent wouldn't be there for thier child? It just makes me think about the surgery she just had back in December. He took me to court to be able to have the right to attend. The judge granted him permission but said he had to be supervised by his dad. Ryan showed up, waited in the waiting room and then left when she was out. He saw her for ten minutes and left. He said he wanted to go back to work. He then came back at 3:30. Addison was sleeping on me. So he spent 10 minutes harassing me. Then they left. What is wrong with this man?!
Anyways, after 10 days we were able to bring Addison home from All Children's. Soon after, we started follow up visits and constant conversations with specialists. I think I cried everyday. All I knew was that Addison would certainly need surgery. Many in fact. I knew her cleft could be repaired and that it was pretty common. But she was born without her femurs. No thighs. None. It's hard enough being a woman. We are constantly critcizing ourselves as well as others. Guys can be extremely cruel as well as kids. The first thing that popped into my head was, 'what if no one asks Addison to homecomeing or the prom because she is different?'. Honestly, that's what I thought of. Besides all the pain she will physically endure, I'm actually more concerned with the emotional. I don't want people pointing and laughing or making fun of her or coming up with nicknames. She's so beautiful and so smart, but I know others will overlook that.
It's amazing how our minds and bodies function. For a few months after we got Addison home I was nuts. I was honestly terrified of being by myself at night. Ryan went out a lot and played on a hockey league at night so I was by myself probably 3 nights a week. I remember begging him to just skip his games every now and then. I explained to him how I was feeling but nothing was more important to him than playing on his D league hockey team... I honestly paced around the house and just cried. There was something about being left alone that I just couldn't handle. Which, is not normal for me, I like being by myself.
I should have left him then. I should have been smart. I knew about the Craig's List stuff, and now here I was taking care of a new born by myself while he went out. That's not love. If he went out once a week I would understand. If I wasn't a mess I would understand. I truly believe he thinks the world revolves around him. Poor Addison, she will never come 1st in his life.....
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Chapter 3
Addison Lynn was born on December 7, 2009 at 10:23pm.
For almost 2 weeks leading up to her birth I had been experiencing severe headaches and had been vomiting here and there. I asked my doctor about it and he said that was fairly normal and that I could take a Tylenol. But the headaches were almost unbearable. I was horribly sensitive to light and sound. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and lay in bed. Ryan's mom pointed out that headaches were sometimes a sign of high blood pressure. So on the night of Addison's birth, Ryan and I went to the grocery store to get someone to make for dinner. We then ran over to Walgreen's to get my blood pressure read. I can't remember what it was, but it was much higher than it should have been. So I called the on-call doctor associated with my doctor's practice. When I spoke to the doctor and explained what was going on he informed me that I might possibly have pre-eclempsia and that if I do I would have to have a Cesarean birth that night. Eclempsia is very dangerous, it's when the placenta becomes poisonous and can make you and your baby sick and can even lead to death.
Sure enough, I had pre-eclempsia. The nurse had me all hooked up and explained how the birth would go. She told me I would feel no pain at all. In fact, the most pain I had that night was the little IV that was inserted in the vain in my hand. I was given a spinal to numb me from the chest down. It honestly felt like someone just poked my back with their finger. It was nothing. Trust me, I'm a huge wuss. The only bad part so far was that my adrenaline was at an all time high, along with my blood pressure, and that caused me to vomit during the majority of the surgery.
It was all so surreal. I was actually relieved. I wasn't looking forward to natural birth at all, and I had been feeling so awful that I knew all of this was good. I stopped getting sick right before the doctors took Addison out of me. Ryan was sitting right next to me. We were suddenly so excited. This was it, our baby girl was about to enter the world. Then we heard it, her first little cry. Then she stopped. I didn't see her, nor Ryan. Nothing was really said by anyone actually. The doctors continued to finish up and a nurse came over and said that she was going to take Ryan upstairs to talk with him and that she would take Addison too. When I asked why she said it was to talk about Addison's abnormalities. Abnormalities? What abnormalities?!?! I remember the look on the two nurses faces that were pushing the cart Addison was in. They looked at me like I had eight heads. Then they left.
The doctors finished and a nurse started wheeling me out of the OR down the hall towards my recovery room. I started vomiting again. It became more of a dry heave since there was nothing left at all in me. I then started asking questions. She told me that Addison stopped breathing and they had to intibate her. She also said that Addison had defects from the waist down. I remember getting sick again and the nurse telling me I really needed to calm down, that my blood pressure was so high I could have a stroke. I don't remember much after that. We're pretty sure they just sedated me. I remember once I was pushed into the room seeing Ryan sitting in a chair along a wall near my bed sitting with his mom and e was crying. I asked if he was ok. And they just kind of looked at me. My parents were there as well as My best friend Nicole and her husband Stephen. A doctor came in and started explaining the situation. I remember him asking me if I understood. I honestly have no idea what he said to this day. I apparently passed out after he asked me if I understood. The next morning I woke up and was alone. Ryan walked in the room and said that Addison was being transferred to All Children's Hospital in St. Pete and that they would bring her to me before going.
Ryan's parents showed up a little after he told me this. Then the hospital staff arrived with her. Some guy was having me sign all these papers, which took entirely too long. I was in fact getting rather irritated since I hadn't yet met my daughter. Finally, they placed her in my arms. 5 pounds 4 ounces. She looked like a little raisin. A baby only 12 hours old was in my arms. It's actually a bit terrifying. But it was the most amazing feeling in the world. Here was this little being that I created, that would forever change my life, that would now make my existence on this earth make sense. I only held her for about five minutes then they had to go.
The next few days were a whirl wind of information. I was stuck staying in the hospital a few days and Ryan and our parents would travel to St. Pete to see Addison and update me on her progress. What I didn't know was that her prognosis at birth was far worse than I was told. Apparently, since she had stopped breathing and because her body from the waist down didn't fully develop, they were concerned that maybe her organs didn't form either. The doctor that spoke with us the night of her birth had actually said he didn't know if she was going to live.
For almost 2 weeks leading up to her birth I had been experiencing severe headaches and had been vomiting here and there. I asked my doctor about it and he said that was fairly normal and that I could take a Tylenol. But the headaches were almost unbearable. I was horribly sensitive to light and sound. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and lay in bed. Ryan's mom pointed out that headaches were sometimes a sign of high blood pressure. So on the night of Addison's birth, Ryan and I went to the grocery store to get someone to make for dinner. We then ran over to Walgreen's to get my blood pressure read. I can't remember what it was, but it was much higher than it should have been. So I called the on-call doctor associated with my doctor's practice. When I spoke to the doctor and explained what was going on he informed me that I might possibly have pre-eclempsia and that if I do I would have to have a Cesarean birth that night. Eclempsia is very dangerous, it's when the placenta becomes poisonous and can make you and your baby sick and can even lead to death.
Sure enough, I had pre-eclempsia. The nurse had me all hooked up and explained how the birth would go. She told me I would feel no pain at all. In fact, the most pain I had that night was the little IV that was inserted in the vain in my hand. I was given a spinal to numb me from the chest down. It honestly felt like someone just poked my back with their finger. It was nothing. Trust me, I'm a huge wuss. The only bad part so far was that my adrenaline was at an all time high, along with my blood pressure, and that caused me to vomit during the majority of the surgery.
It was all so surreal. I was actually relieved. I wasn't looking forward to natural birth at all, and I had been feeling so awful that I knew all of this was good. I stopped getting sick right before the doctors took Addison out of me. Ryan was sitting right next to me. We were suddenly so excited. This was it, our baby girl was about to enter the world. Then we heard it, her first little cry. Then she stopped. I didn't see her, nor Ryan. Nothing was really said by anyone actually. The doctors continued to finish up and a nurse came over and said that she was going to take Ryan upstairs to talk with him and that she would take Addison too. When I asked why she said it was to talk about Addison's abnormalities. Abnormalities? What abnormalities?!?! I remember the look on the two nurses faces that were pushing the cart Addison was in. They looked at me like I had eight heads. Then they left.
The doctors finished and a nurse started wheeling me out of the OR down the hall towards my recovery room. I started vomiting again. It became more of a dry heave since there was nothing left at all in me. I then started asking questions. She told me that Addison stopped breathing and they had to intibate her. She also said that Addison had defects from the waist down. I remember getting sick again and the nurse telling me I really needed to calm down, that my blood pressure was so high I could have a stroke. I don't remember much after that. We're pretty sure they just sedated me. I remember once I was pushed into the room seeing Ryan sitting in a chair along a wall near my bed sitting with his mom and e was crying. I asked if he was ok. And they just kind of looked at me. My parents were there as well as My best friend Nicole and her husband Stephen. A doctor came in and started explaining the situation. I remember him asking me if I understood. I honestly have no idea what he said to this day. I apparently passed out after he asked me if I understood. The next morning I woke up and was alone. Ryan walked in the room and said that Addison was being transferred to All Children's Hospital in St. Pete and that they would bring her to me before going.
Ryan's parents showed up a little after he told me this. Then the hospital staff arrived with her. Some guy was having me sign all these papers, which took entirely too long. I was in fact getting rather irritated since I hadn't yet met my daughter. Finally, they placed her in my arms. 5 pounds 4 ounces. She looked like a little raisin. A baby only 12 hours old was in my arms. It's actually a bit terrifying. But it was the most amazing feeling in the world. Here was this little being that I created, that would forever change my life, that would now make my existence on this earth make sense. I only held her for about five minutes then they had to go.
The next few days were a whirl wind of information. I was stuck staying in the hospital a few days and Ryan and our parents would travel to St. Pete to see Addison and update me on her progress. What I didn't know was that her prognosis at birth was far worse than I was told. Apparently, since she had stopped breathing and because her body from the waist down didn't fully develop, they were concerned that maybe her organs didn't form either. The doctor that spoke with us the night of her birth had actually said he didn't know if she was going to live.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Chapter 2
Before I continue the story, let me just say something. This blog is not for sympathy or anything like that. I am not trying to make people realize how awful Ryan is either. He can do that himself. I am simply doing this because if feels good to write it all out. I'm not going to lie though, the support/responses I've gotten from everyone truly touch my heart and makes me even stronger. Also, I am hoping to create some traffic on this blog from my friends hopefully sharing these posts with others. As most of you know, my daughter has a very rare disability (PFFD). I hope this will help me network and possibly come up with more opportunites for her and even just learn a thing or two.
Story continued:
...My heart was racing. I thought I was going to either vomit or pass out. I stared in shock and amazement at these e-mails on his phone. Were these real? Maybe fake junk mail? Ok, let me check his texts. Everything seemed normal until I saw a number i didnt recognize. The conversation was started by Ryan. He asked 'how are you on this rainy day?'. She responded not knowing who he was. He explained he was Ryan the guy she had messaged through Craig's List. She then told him her name. Get this, her name was Jennifer Lynn. Same as me. The texts then ended. I wonder if that made him feel guilty. What I would think would make him feel really bad was the fact that he was laying next to me in bed when he was talking to her.
After reading this I went back into his email and read in detail everything that was being said. He would respond to these women's postings with a personal resume of himself. He would mostly lie. He would say he was a college student that made very good money single and owned his own home. He claimed he was very atletic and in excellent shape just looking for someone to hang out with or no strings attached. Single? Right...
I then read an ad he had responded to titled "2 bi fems play for you"
He asked how much it would cost, what they would be willing to do and told them when he was free. No folks, I am not telling you about Tiger Woods, I swear.
I practically ran into the guest room where he was passed out. I was crying so hard I could barely get a word out of my mouth. I felt my heart pounding so hard i thought it might fall out. And more than anything I was worried about the safety of my unborn child. I thought for sure this stress was going to push me into early labor. I tried to wake him. I started screaming. He woke and I told him that I knew what he had been doing. I said 'I know what you have been doing on Craig's List!'. He was still drunk. He told me he was looking at houses. Then he passed back out.
I didn't know what to do. I called me best friend and her husband. It was 3am by this point so they were sleeping. I wanted to call me parents so bad. But I couldn't freak them out like this. I lived in Tampa and they were in Orlando. My dad had open heart surgery 2 years prior; I just couldn't risk him having a heart attack. My mom also has high blood pressure. I was afraid that if I called them it would seriously effect thier health. So I made one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. I called Ryan's parents.
His father picked up the phone. I was hysterically crying and told him that Ryan has been doing something bad and that there must be something wrong with him. I told him that Ryan has been soliciting prostitution Craig's List. At that point Dave, Ryan's father, told me that him and his wife were coming over. They arrived at the house at about 4am. I showed them what i had found on Ryan's phone. Dave then went upstairs to see if Ryan was awake. He was passed out and there was no waking him. The dog had even been barking. His parents then suggested that I go to thier house. So I did. I took Ryan's phone and both sets of car keys.
I didn't sleep a minute that night. I sat up the remainder of the night with Dave and Sonya trying to figure out why Ryan would do this. "Why would he sabotage a beautiful life?" his mother kept asking. Right. Why? Until a few months ago I couldn't figure it out either. He went out all the time and I wouldn't say much. He did whatever he wanted. I cooked and cleaned for him. I was never some prude that would complain of a headache or something either. I thought I made him happy. He told me every day how much he loved me. He told every day how beautiful he thought I was and how excited he was for the birth of our daughter. And he told me he couldn't wait to make me his wife.
It was hard to believe this was happening. Around 9:30 Ryan's phone started ringing. It was our house phone number. He wasn't calling me. He was more concerned as to where his prescious fucking phone was. Ten minutes later he called me. I didn't pick up. At that point his dad said he was going over to my house to talk with Ryan and that I should stay put.
When Dave arrived, it freaked Ryan out. He refused to talk to his father. He kept calling me and texting begging me to pick up the phone and come home. After 72 missed calls I picked up. I told him he would have to talk to his dad before I would. I told him I knew what he had been doing. He tried to play stupid and deny it. I told him I had proof and to cut the bull shit. He then admitted to it and said he never met up with any of them. He also didn't know why he did it and that he loved me so much. After 3 hours of Dave talking to Ryan I went home.
He was a mess. He looked like complete shit from going out the night before and he was crying like a baby. I sat in a rolling desk chair in front of him on the couch. He pulled me close and layed his head in my lap. He cried for what seemed like forever. I told him how hurt I was. I asked what I did to deserve this treatment. He said nothing. He had no idea why he was looking up women online. He promised he would never do it again and that he would close that particular e-mail account. He then gave me his user name and passoword for his other e-mail account and told me I could go on it anytime so that he could prove that he wasn't doing it anymore.
For the next few days he kissed my ass. I wouldn't kiss him at all. I honestly felt sick. Here I was 3 weeks away from giving birth...Addison came into the world 10 days after all of this...
Story continued:
...My heart was racing. I thought I was going to either vomit or pass out. I stared in shock and amazement at these e-mails on his phone. Were these real? Maybe fake junk mail? Ok, let me check his texts. Everything seemed normal until I saw a number i didnt recognize. The conversation was started by Ryan. He asked 'how are you on this rainy day?'. She responded not knowing who he was. He explained he was Ryan the guy she had messaged through Craig's List. She then told him her name. Get this, her name was Jennifer Lynn. Same as me. The texts then ended. I wonder if that made him feel guilty. What I would think would make him feel really bad was the fact that he was laying next to me in bed when he was talking to her.
After reading this I went back into his email and read in detail everything that was being said. He would respond to these women's postings with a personal resume of himself. He would mostly lie. He would say he was a college student that made very good money single and owned his own home. He claimed he was very atletic and in excellent shape just looking for someone to hang out with or no strings attached. Single? Right...
I then read an ad he had responded to titled "2 bi fems play for you"
He asked how much it would cost, what they would be willing to do and told them when he was free. No folks, I am not telling you about Tiger Woods, I swear.
I practically ran into the guest room where he was passed out. I was crying so hard I could barely get a word out of my mouth. I felt my heart pounding so hard i thought it might fall out. And more than anything I was worried about the safety of my unborn child. I thought for sure this stress was going to push me into early labor. I tried to wake him. I started screaming. He woke and I told him that I knew what he had been doing. I said 'I know what you have been doing on Craig's List!'. He was still drunk. He told me he was looking at houses. Then he passed back out.
I didn't know what to do. I called me best friend and her husband. It was 3am by this point so they were sleeping. I wanted to call me parents so bad. But I couldn't freak them out like this. I lived in Tampa and they were in Orlando. My dad had open heart surgery 2 years prior; I just couldn't risk him having a heart attack. My mom also has high blood pressure. I was afraid that if I called them it would seriously effect thier health. So I made one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. I called Ryan's parents.
His father picked up the phone. I was hysterically crying and told him that Ryan has been doing something bad and that there must be something wrong with him. I told him that Ryan has been soliciting prostitution Craig's List. At that point Dave, Ryan's father, told me that him and his wife were coming over. They arrived at the house at about 4am. I showed them what i had found on Ryan's phone. Dave then went upstairs to see if Ryan was awake. He was passed out and there was no waking him. The dog had even been barking. His parents then suggested that I go to thier house. So I did. I took Ryan's phone and both sets of car keys.
I didn't sleep a minute that night. I sat up the remainder of the night with Dave and Sonya trying to figure out why Ryan would do this. "Why would he sabotage a beautiful life?" his mother kept asking. Right. Why? Until a few months ago I couldn't figure it out either. He went out all the time and I wouldn't say much. He did whatever he wanted. I cooked and cleaned for him. I was never some prude that would complain of a headache or something either. I thought I made him happy. He told me every day how much he loved me. He told every day how beautiful he thought I was and how excited he was for the birth of our daughter. And he told me he couldn't wait to make me his wife.
It was hard to believe this was happening. Around 9:30 Ryan's phone started ringing. It was our house phone number. He wasn't calling me. He was more concerned as to where his prescious fucking phone was. Ten minutes later he called me. I didn't pick up. At that point his dad said he was going over to my house to talk with Ryan and that I should stay put.
When Dave arrived, it freaked Ryan out. He refused to talk to his father. He kept calling me and texting begging me to pick up the phone and come home. After 72 missed calls I picked up. I told him he would have to talk to his dad before I would. I told him I knew what he had been doing. He tried to play stupid and deny it. I told him I had proof and to cut the bull shit. He then admitted to it and said he never met up with any of them. He also didn't know why he did it and that he loved me so much. After 3 hours of Dave talking to Ryan I went home.
He was a mess. He looked like complete shit from going out the night before and he was crying like a baby. I sat in a rolling desk chair in front of him on the couch. He pulled me close and layed his head in my lap. He cried for what seemed like forever. I told him how hurt I was. I asked what I did to deserve this treatment. He said nothing. He had no idea why he was looking up women online. He promised he would never do it again and that he would close that particular e-mail account. He then gave me his user name and passoword for his other e-mail account and told me I could go on it anytime so that he could prove that he wasn't doing it anymore.
For the next few days he kissed my ass. I wouldn't kiss him at all. I honestly felt sick. Here I was 3 weeks away from giving birth...Addison came into the world 10 days after all of this...
Friday, January 21, 2011
The Begining of a new life
You ever just stop what you're doing and ask 'is this really my life?'? I've been doing this alot now and for a very long time. One can interpret that question many ways. It can be complete wonder as 'how did I get this lucky?' or 'where did I go wrong?' or 'why is this happening to me?'. How do we answer those questions? Sure, a doctor becomes a doctor by going to med school and being determined and motivated. But how does he or she really get there? By having a rich family? By coming from a family comprised primarily of doctors? Why does it happen?
I want to know why my life is the way it is. I would really like to know how I became a 27 year old single mom to a baby with severe disabilties that currently lives with her parents with a college education and works as a server. Lets face it, everyone is stereotyped in some way shape or form. I am a white female only child that grew up in a middle upper class family. I am very intelligent and extremely motivated. So does it sound like I should be in the position that I am currently in? I don't think so. Call me self righteous if you want, I don't care.
I assume that someone smart isn't capable of being fooled. I am terribly wrong.
I met Ryan while hanging out at a bar with mutual friends. I honestly didn't think much at all when we met. I thought he was cute but too short for my type. A week later he had a party and I went with mutual friends. From that night on, we started seeing each other. I actually blew him off many times. I was interested in someone else at the time so I didn't pay him much attention. He remained patient and persistent asking me out all the time. I was impressed by his efforts. He'd visit me at work frequently and just really show how interested he was. I fell for it. Dammit.
When we found out we were pregnant we decided we wanted the baby and loved each other very much. We hadn't lived together yet, so I moved in with him and his roomates. We then started searching for our own house to raise our future child in. I learned alot living with roomates. One of them was rather eager to point out Ryan's faults yet held back.
There were so many red flags. Ryan would go out all the time. I was left bored and lonely more often than not. There would be times I couldn't get a hold of him at all. It was a pretty stressful pregnancy. We moved into our own home September of '09. Our daughter was due in December.
At the end of November Ryan went to a hockey game with friends and rode with them. It was getting late and I hadn't heard from him so I called the person who drove. He had been home for half an hour. So where was Ryan? He apparently asked to be dropped off at a bar downtown. I would never have a problem with this. Just give me a heads up so I'm not worried. Well, I called numerous times and he didn't pick up. Eventually he called me back wasted out of his mind and demanding that I drive 40 min in the middle of the night while I was 9 months pregnant to pick him up. I refused of course, so he got a ride from a friend. When he got home he was so drunk he didnt know up from down so he passed out in the guest room. I went to bed as well and noticed that I didn't see his phone anywhere. So when I called it it started ringing from the guest room where he was passed out bare assed. Curiosity got the best of me so i took his phone and decided to got through it. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the father of my child, the man who claimed he loved me everyday who wants to marry me had over 20 e-mails from Craig'sList hookers in his inbox....
...to be continued
I want to know why my life is the way it is. I would really like to know how I became a 27 year old single mom to a baby with severe disabilties that currently lives with her parents with a college education and works as a server. Lets face it, everyone is stereotyped in some way shape or form. I am a white female only child that grew up in a middle upper class family. I am very intelligent and extremely motivated. So does it sound like I should be in the position that I am currently in? I don't think so. Call me self righteous if you want, I don't care.
I assume that someone smart isn't capable of being fooled. I am terribly wrong.
I met Ryan while hanging out at a bar with mutual friends. I honestly didn't think much at all when we met. I thought he was cute but too short for my type. A week later he had a party and I went with mutual friends. From that night on, we started seeing each other. I actually blew him off many times. I was interested in someone else at the time so I didn't pay him much attention. He remained patient and persistent asking me out all the time. I was impressed by his efforts. He'd visit me at work frequently and just really show how interested he was. I fell for it. Dammit.
When we found out we were pregnant we decided we wanted the baby and loved each other very much. We hadn't lived together yet, so I moved in with him and his roomates. We then started searching for our own house to raise our future child in. I learned alot living with roomates. One of them was rather eager to point out Ryan's faults yet held back.
There were so many red flags. Ryan would go out all the time. I was left bored and lonely more often than not. There would be times I couldn't get a hold of him at all. It was a pretty stressful pregnancy. We moved into our own home September of '09. Our daughter was due in December.
At the end of November Ryan went to a hockey game with friends and rode with them. It was getting late and I hadn't heard from him so I called the person who drove. He had been home for half an hour. So where was Ryan? He apparently asked to be dropped off at a bar downtown. I would never have a problem with this. Just give me a heads up so I'm not worried. Well, I called numerous times and he didn't pick up. Eventually he called me back wasted out of his mind and demanding that I drive 40 min in the middle of the night while I was 9 months pregnant to pick him up. I refused of course, so he got a ride from a friend. When he got home he was so drunk he didnt know up from down so he passed out in the guest room. I went to bed as well and noticed that I didn't see his phone anywhere. So when I called it it started ringing from the guest room where he was passed out bare assed. Curiosity got the best of me so i took his phone and decided to got through it. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the father of my child, the man who claimed he loved me everyday who wants to marry me had over 20 e-mails from Craig'sList hookers in his inbox....
...to be continued
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