Chapter 2

Before I continue the story, let me just say something.  This blog is not for sympathy or anything like that.  I am not trying to make people realize how awful Ryan is either.  He can do that himself.  I am simply doing this because if feels good to write it all out.  I'm not going to lie though, the support/responses I've gotten from everyone truly touch my heart and makes me even stronger.  Also, I am hoping to create some traffic on this blog from my friends hopefully sharing these posts with others.  As most of you know, my daughter has a very rare disability (PFFD).  I hope this will help me network and possibly come up with more opportunites for her and even just learn a thing or two.

Story continued:

...My heart was racing.  I thought I was going to either vomit or pass out.  I stared in shock and amazement at these e-mails on his phone.  Were these real? Maybe fake junk mail? Ok, let me check his texts.  Everything seemed normal until I saw a number i didnt recognize.  The conversation was started by Ryan.  He asked 'how are you on this rainy day?'. She responded not knowing who he was.  He explained he was Ryan the guy she had messaged through Craig's List.  She then told him her name.  Get this, her name was Jennifer Lynn. Same as me.  The texts then ended.  I wonder if that made him feel guilty.  What I would think would make him feel really bad was the fact that he was laying next to me in bed when he was talking to her.

After reading this I went back into his email and read in detail everything that was being said.  He would respond to these women's postings with a personal resume of himself.  He would mostly lie.  He would say he was a college student that made very good money single and owned his own home.  He claimed he was very atletic and in excellent shape just looking for someone to hang out with or no strings attached. Single? Right...
I then read an ad he had responded to titled "2 bi fems play for you"
He asked how much it would cost, what they would be willing to do and told them when he was free.  No folks, I am not telling you about Tiger Woods, I swear.

I practically ran into the guest room where he was passed out.  I was crying so hard I could barely get a word out of my mouth.  I felt my heart pounding so hard i thought it might fall out.  And more than anything I was worried about the safety of my unborn child.  I thought for sure this stress was going to push me into early labor.  I tried to wake him.  I started screaming.  He woke and I told him that I knew what he had been doing.  I said 'I know what you have been doing on Craig's List!'.  He was still drunk.  He told me he was looking at houses.  Then he passed back out.

I didn't know what to do.  I called me best friend and her husband.  It was 3am by this point so they were sleeping.  I wanted to call me parents so bad.  But I couldn't freak them out like this.  I lived in Tampa and they were in Orlando.  My dad had open heart surgery 2 years prior; I just couldn't risk him having a heart attack.  My mom also has high blood pressure.  I was afraid that if I called them it would seriously effect thier health.  So I made one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made.  I called Ryan's parents.

His father picked up the phone.  I was hysterically crying and told him that Ryan has been doing something bad and that there must be something wrong with him.  I told him that Ryan has been soliciting prostitution Craig's List.  At that point Dave, Ryan's father, told me that him and his wife were coming over.  They arrived at the house at about 4am.  I showed them what i had found on Ryan's phone.  Dave then went upstairs to see if Ryan was awake.  He was passed out and there was no waking him.  The dog had even been barking.  His parents then suggested that I go to thier house.  So I did.  I took Ryan's phone and both sets of car keys. 

I didn't sleep a minute that night.  I sat up the remainder of the night with Dave and Sonya trying to figure out why Ryan would do this.  "Why would he sabotage a beautiful life?" his mother kept asking.  Right. Why?  Until a few months ago I couldn't figure it out either.  He went out all the time and I wouldn't say much.  He did whatever he wanted.  I cooked and cleaned for him.  I was never some prude that would complain of a headache or something either.  I thought I made him happy.  He told me every day how much he loved me.  He told every day how beautiful he thought I was and how excited he was for the birth of our daughter.  And he told me he couldn't wait to make me his wife.

It was hard to believe this was happening.  Around 9:30 Ryan's phone started ringing.  It was our house phone number.  He wasn't calling me.  He was more concerned as to where his prescious fucking phone was.  Ten minutes later he called me.  I didn't pick up.  At that point his dad said he was going over to my house to talk with Ryan and that I should stay put.

When Dave arrived, it freaked Ryan out.  He refused to talk to his father.  He kept calling me and texting begging me to pick up the phone and come home.  After 72 missed calls I picked up.  I told him he would have to talk to his dad before I would.  I told him I knew what he had been doing. He tried to play stupid and deny it.  I told him I had proof and to cut the bull shit.  He then admitted to it and said he never met up with any of them.  He also didn't know why he did it and that he loved me so much.  After 3 hours of Dave talking to Ryan I went home.

He was a mess.  He looked like complete shit from going out the night before and he was crying like a baby.  I sat in a rolling desk chair in front of him on the couch.  He pulled me close and layed his head in my lap.  He cried for what seemed like forever.  I told him how hurt I was. I asked what I did to deserve this treatment.  He said nothing.  He had no idea why he was looking up women online.  He promised he would never do it again and that he would close that particular e-mail account.  He then gave me his user name and passoword for his other e-mail account and told me I could go on it anytime so that he could prove that he wasn't doing it anymore. 

For the next few days he kissed my ass.  I wouldn't kiss him at all.  I honestly felt sick.  Here I was 3 weeks away from giving birth...Addison came into the world 10 days after all of this...