The Begining of a new life

You ever just stop what you're doing and ask 'is this really my life?'?  I've been doing this alot now and for a very long time.  One can interpret that question many ways.  It can be complete wonder as 'how did I get this lucky?' or 'where did I go wrong?' or 'why is this happening to me?'.  How do we answer those questions? Sure, a doctor becomes a doctor by going to med school and being determined and motivated.  But how does he or she really get there? By having a rich family? By coming from a family comprised primarily of doctors? Why does it happen?

I want to know why my life is the way it is.  I would really like to know how I became a 27 year old single mom to a baby with severe disabilties that currently lives with her parents with a college education and works as a server.  Lets face it, everyone is stereotyped in some way shape or form.  I am a white female only child that grew up in a middle upper class family.  I am very intelligent and extremely motivated.  So does it sound like I should be in the position that I am currently in? I don't think so.  Call me self righteous if you want, I don't care.

I assume that someone smart isn't capable of being fooled.  I am terribly wrong. 

I met Ryan while hanging out at a bar with mutual friends.  I honestly didn't think much at all when we met.  I thought he was cute but too short for my type.  A week later he had a party and I went with mutual friends.  From that night on, we started seeing each other.  I actually blew him off many times.  I was interested in someone else at the time so I didn't pay him much attention.  He remained patient and persistent asking me out all the time.  I was impressed by his efforts.  He'd visit me at work frequently and just really show how interested he was.  I fell for it. Dammit.

When we found out we were pregnant we decided we wanted the baby and loved each other very much.  We hadn't lived together yet, so I moved in with him and his roomates.  We then started searching for our own house to raise our future child in.  I learned alot living with roomates.  One of them was rather eager to point out Ryan's faults yet held back. 

There were so many red flags.  Ryan would go out all the time.  I was left bored and lonely more often than not.  There would be times I couldn't get a hold of him at all.  It was a pretty stressful pregnancy.  We moved into our own home September of '09.  Our daughter was due in December.

At the end of November Ryan went to a hockey game with friends and rode with them.  It was getting late and I hadn't heard from him so I called the person who drove.  He had been home for half an hour.  So where was Ryan? He apparently asked to be dropped off at a bar downtown.  I would never have a problem with this.  Just give me a heads up so I'm not worried.  Well, I called numerous times and he didn't pick up.  Eventually he called me back wasted out of his mind and demanding that I drive 40 min in the middle of the night while I was 9 months pregnant to pick him up.  I refused of course, so he got a ride from a friend.  When he got home he was so drunk he didnt know up from down so he passed out in the guest room.  I went to bed as well and noticed that I didn't see his phone anywhere. So when I called it it started ringing from the guest room where he was passed out bare assed.  Curiosity got the best of me so i took his phone and decided to got through it.  Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the father of my child, the man who claimed he loved me everyday who wants to marry me had over 20 e-mails from Craig'sList hookers in his inbox....

...to be continued